I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
