just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I think I won the penis lottery.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize