People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
