apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
