Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
