if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
