I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
