If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
