I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
