sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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