I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
