stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
