OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i already hear my dad disowning me
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
