Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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