Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just gift wrapped bread.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
