WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
