its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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