One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
