I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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