normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize