Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
