Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
