she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
