i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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