my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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