Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
