Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
