i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
