well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
