i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
