My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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