2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
