that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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