I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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