I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
