i think my tv is drunk
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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