the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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