yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
