OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
