Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
