im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize