So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
