My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
