There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
