Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
