Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
