Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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