He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Pants are for mortals
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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