turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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