he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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