Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
His hands were made for my vagina.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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