i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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