some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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