dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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