Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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