I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize