I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize