dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
