i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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