You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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