I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Two words: blizzard sex
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
