When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
