hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
