I faked an abortion last night.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
