Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You're a waste of cheezeits
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
