I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize