The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
