Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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