so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
