i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize