So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
