Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
