So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
