Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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