Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
