I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
