He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize