I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
