There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
