I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize