Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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