apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize