there's paper in my vomit.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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