sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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