Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
