You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
