I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
