Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
