It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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