i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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