well you can't waste a boner
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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