I just threw up on my dentist
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
