im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
