I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
