She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
