I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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